money
is the thing that tears families apart
money is the thing that makes us humans so greedy
and gives us the quality of selfishness
money is so scary
that it could make you lying in the streets one day
money manipluates our brains
and makes us want more
more
more
with no money, we cant HAVE "anything"
with no money
we feel like we are nothing
how would life be with no money?

i regret it so much , that it hurts
andi cant get for it
everytime i see you
i feel guilt
and everytime i talk to you
i feel like im being fake because im acting like nothing ever happened.
i hate tha eeling in tha tummy rightnow
it feels light and sick
and empty
which means that soemthing is wrong
and i did wrong,
im soreeey
forgive me

i hate choo,
and i mean it this time

im so LOVEsick righttt,
kcus i jusss saw walk to remember,
ahhh,
love sick
makes ma heart feel lighttt and floatyy
and it feels likei cant breath properly

i noticedd how distracted i am
and how i get amazed wit tha smallest thingss,
i neeeda concentrate
and focus.
now
wakeup from ma other world

you never realize how important someone is
til
they re gone

shes a gurll that looks happy
but really
reallly,
shes broken inside

its hard to breathhh
ma hands jus shakee,
its jusss everything
hurts
and it hurts inside so much that its harderr to breathhh

im soo bored thesee days LOL

i dont understand anything
but i do

backkyardddd

it hurts to know
the truth

candy=mycomfort

endless fighting
endless
yelling
screamingg
im sick of it
i need a rest
i need to runaway
i need to leave

He's the one that kept us together
We need you

today was tha worse
ever

sometimes
always
never
forever

you know that feeling?
when you just want to cry
cry so hard
but you cant
so you hold it in
and your lips just start to shake
kcus you were holding it in for so long
and later
tears
start fall from your eyes
and you know its wrong
but you know
you cant help
it
you just cant help it
when it hurts so bad
inside,
you cant control it.
and you cant get a hold of it.
it hurts doesnt it?
it hurts a lot?

giving up
on what i believe
in
giving up in life
giving up in dreams
giving up my family
giving up everything
and
giving up God,
im not gonna giveup
ever
because im never giving up on God,

confused.
and hopeless
what can i do now?

i want
iwant
iwant

i made tha dinner today, haaah it was fun

sometimes you dont realize
what you say
and
you think
wow
im sucha dumb***
,,
why did i say that
why>
why hmm,
idontknow
tha tongue is the evilest part of our body.
say things carefully?
and think-
think more
and talk

tha only thing you can fear is fear itself---

today was one of those days
when i jusss laughed like crazzzy
til ma tummy hurt
til i cried
til it made ma day,
inever get those types of days anymore
iwish i could have em more
iwish

i thought you were
feeeling
not so good
thas
why
i said it
but now
i feel stupid
kcus i feel like im her

lovesick

saw that person
feeling:shocked
said: omgg hiii
walked away
dad said hi
and i said hi
and we said bye
and tha dogs are cute

failure is impossible

goodstuff:
GOODNIGHT&GOOODMORNING texts.
warmteddybearhugs.
lotslots of rain
applle juice
good books that mean goodstuff
music with good beats.
hellos
doodles
nice new people
cold days
covering yourself with a blanket when tha airconditioner is on
longg phone convos.
loveletters.
cornyjokes
random surprises
a "just kcus" gift from a close frend.



badstuff:
goodbyes.
awkward silences and awkward people
when you say hi but the other person ignores you.
hothot weather.
sunnydays.
warm water
badhair days
when you wear tha wrong outfit.
when you walk alone to class.
when you say something stupid
presentations infront of people.
oily faces.
pimples in tha most random places.
mean haircutt ladies.
bad haircuts
when theres no money in your wallet.
dry eyes.
when water gets on yor glasses

i
can
and will be
stronger
than you have ever
known before
its gonna happen
soon
so dont wait for it
you wont see it coming
your gonna be shocked and surprised

it started
and it ended
so fast
idont even remember
you
or me
or what we did together
its like
tho
se
memor
ies
didnt matter
its like
i didnt matter
to you,
im nothing
right?

im gonna gonna make ya mine,,

lol,
nervousss game.
made ma day

some pichars i took at the monterey bay aquarium.
i love aquariums, take me there.
sea horses=favanimal

tha coolest jellyfish i have ever seen

i love tha feeling of starfish

He's like medicine
He;; cures me
He heals me
He knows what to say
because "He" knows me
He knows what im thinking
He knows how i feel
Hes there when im sad
He knows when im heppy
He knows when im sad
He knows what i like
He knows how to make me smile
He's the shoulder i could cry on
Hes always there,
But then what happens when that "He" is taken away from you?
You feel like your life is ending.
without him, you cant process
you cant control yourself
because He was your everything
and He was your besfren,
mixed feelings and broken hearts will always come
but then they will always go
Have Hope, and Just hold on, Hold on just a little bit longer
Because I know you can do it. encouragement helps a lot.
Stay Strong

do you see that quote above me ? ^^^^^^^^^^
i love that quote
it means so much
with simple words
i think i need Hope
right now

i hate her ,
i hate her
i hate her
i hate
her SO
much
ihate her
im sick of her
im sick of being with her
im sick of talkin to her
im sick of seeing her
i hate her
not dislike
but i hate
her
later
im prolly gonna regret writing this
i love her
ilove her i love her
i hate her
its weird
iknow
you cant understand
no one can
its "complicated" people would say.

its over now

itsss beeen betterr

better day,
music helps
a
L
O
T
,,
currently listening to regina spektor.

im movingggg

i hate ma schedule );

mood:happy
date:07.28.09
comments:i want a nice coled icecrem and iwant some nice people to talk to now and then
and people can trust no mattar what, but i dont think that will heppen
ever
kcus i cant trust anyone cept jinnar & God & mafam

off to retrit,
im glad
its finally here
time to get away
from the
distractions and noise

summar schoo is finally ovar
i dont havta see
that
perv
ever
-_-
when it was tha
last day
it felt like 1OOOOOOOOOOO lbs of weight went off ma shoulders ,
i can breath now
breath normallly

last summar,

was tha bestes summar ever

we re besfrens 4ever,,
and no one cant seperate us
ever,

SUMMAGOS:)
-do club volleyball
-getta job
-grow out hair
-lose TONS of weight
-do summa homework
-go to korea(july 3Oth-aug 13th)
-work out three times a week
-read the bible(QTS)
-getta A in Bio
-go to six flags, life plaza with jinner
-go to la wit dadddio
-hangout wit elmo
-find a clarinet teach
-do yoga three times a week
-praise team practice
-sat prep classes
-finish ma watarcolor art
-bake pastries
-get rid of blackheads
-getta permit
-paint ma room purple
-fix ma computarr
-get nice leggs
-go shoppang a LOOOTT
-gran banq
-fix ma horrd tan
-take a LOOOTT of pichhhhas

im stuffing myself with junk
to cover the feeling

movie night wit ma poomin,
funstufff
random ole movies
brings back ole memories
of the good ole days,

his smile makes my life turn brighter ( ilahvmypoomin4EVAR)

today was one of those days
when you find that special strawberry flavored gummy
inside the welch's fruitpack,,,

jinner=besfren4evar
O6.3O.O9

my family is
tight
cool
weird
funny
lovable
cute
mean
ugly
corny
strong
loud
weak
happy
sad
angry
shy
annoying
and so wonderful (ilove you mommy&daddy&"poomin")
they love me no matter what stupid thing i do or say to them.

imake jinner
mad
i make her sad
i make her dissappointed
i make her want to hurt me
i do many things wrong
and tend to say tha wrong things too
without thought
and just put into action
i will fix this
my new goal for the summer
change to become a better person
friends help you realize your flaws at times
and teach you things you never knew about yourself
friends will always be there and have "your back"
friends have a shoulder a to cry on
friends are something so wonderful
and amazing
im glad to have a friend

my light was burned out
by someone
i used to love

mentally weak,(J)
physically weak
mentally hurt
mentally in painn

tha day goes by slower
and
slo
w
er

idont want to be pushed around
idont want to be stepped on

i mish you
a
lot
i cant stop thinking about you
i hate to
know
that your gone

this world is filled with complications
iwish it wasnt
iwant life to be simple and easy
but
that will never happen
never

"He will not let you be tempted any more than you can take
But when you are tempted, God will give you a way out so
that you can stand up under it"

i repeat this verse to myself everyday
read it everyday
it shows me hope

i hate it when people compare you with others
and tell you that, that person is so much better than you
i hate it when people disencourages you.
makes me feel like im worthless and pathetic and stupid
but
i do it too
hypocrites
iknow
i am one too
but who isnt?

im afraid of this big cruel world
ihate being the word
vunerable

it was fun
for a while
until everything changed
love
disappeared
hurtcame
ijust dontknow what to do anymore
im confused

iwant summer to come
ineeeda vaca
korea
here i come

havent been on for long,
feeels like so much is going on
so fast
sometimes iwish i
ha
d
more time
more minutes
more hours
o
f the day

ILOVEMICHELLE<3

shes the best evah and i lahvvv her soo much
we re eating mint chocolate chip cookie ice cream thang
SUPAH YUMMMMY ! :)
MICHELLE IS SO COOOL I WANT TO BE JUS LIKE HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
OMGOMGOMG
I LOVE TAKIN PICHERSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
HI THIS IS MICHELLE AND I LAHVVVV HYEJINNIEBARKKKKKKK SHES COOL BUT NOT AS COOL AS ME!:)
OF COURSE
SHE SAYS IM MESSED UP
AND I AM BUH WHO THE FUCK CARES
HEH HEH HEH :)
ILOVEYOUUUUUUUU BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
HYEJIN GOT SOETHING TO SAYYYYY

when you love someone
you dont feel hungary
anymore
you feel
content
heppy
fine
and full
i want that feeling that again

drawing is my compassion

im afraid i might
do
something
wr
ong to you
im afraid
i might hurt
you
make you cry
make
you vunerable
im sorry
forgiveme

iwish i could
just
sigh
,,
erase
that
in my life
just make it go away
just make it gone
i want to erase it
run away from it
but i shouldnt run
im not a coward,
i know i can face it
fear, the one thing i hate
the one thing i cannot face
but,,, i can iwill

you know that feeling,
when
you feel so nervous that you cant breath
so nervous that you keep sighing
butter
flies
in your tummy
sweatypalms
you know that your gonna die kcus
you cant breath
but you dont care
you dont care at all
all you care bout
is that
one
person
the person you love
the person you adore
and care for ,
and you think inside
"wow, i think .... ilove him"
ialways wanted this feeling, the feeling of love

3.23.O9

hep-pi-ness;
ialways wondered what the meaning of heppiness was .


1.
the quality or state of being happy.
2.
good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

be heppy
stay heppy
get heppy

GOALS:

lose 2O pounds , take bracess, do pushupss, run everyday,

situpss, taekwondo, yoga, get a goood grade in math&ic3,

go to beach, practice clarinet, finish artt, do QT's, no junkies,

no dinner, sleep earlierr,

ILOVEYA JINNER :)

i ve been thinking,

and ithink our friendship is something that can never be replaced, or forgotten

and

thats what i love about it

,,

i have a lovar now,
ahaha kinda fuhneey
a fake lovar ?
or is it real ?
maybe im really falling,
fall
in
g
de
eeee
eee
p in ,,

he brings the bundle of joy to my life.

myfran : if you had to save yor mom or dad who would you save,,,?

me : i would save my brother,

thisweek

this is week is bad,
not very bad
but just bad,,
and i dont like it,
iwish it could get better,
and maybe it will
but i have a feeling its gonna get worse.
ihope not.
but it probably will.